Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Liam Neeson's implausibly virginal daughter is kidnapped by men with accents, and he must use his CIA training to get her back/kill them. Alan Smithee expected to simply enjoy this revenge fantasy and not worry overly much about how stupid it was or wasn't. But Neeson's single-mindedness is the film's undoing.
Alan Smithee got that Neeson's daughter, who is scheduled to be sold into prostitution, is super precious to him, but all those other kidnapped hotties have dads too! Neeson pops his head into each of their curtained sex cubicles ("Nope, not my daughter") but doesn't lift a finger to help them. Would a quick phone call to the authorities kill him? But the worst action film faux pas: he drives 100 miles an hour the wrong way down the road, risking the lives of hundreds of motorists! You have to be saving the world to justify that kind of safety violation. No one daughter is worth all that, no matter how adorable she is.
Alan Smithee isn't spoiling the film when he tells you that the daughter is returned to her loving family (and birthday pony!) in the end. It's supposed to be heartwarming, but Alan Smithee was wondering Isn't anyone going to do anything about that huge prostitution ring?!
To be avoided.