Friday, February 15, 2008

Alan Smithee Selects the Best Films of the Year and Then Lists Them One After Another



One of the best films of last year - whatever year it was - was Enchanted. Amy Adams astonished, especially when imitating the movements of cartoon ladies, but she never had a chance at an Oscar nomination. Critics are not permitted to praise films of this type too highly, whereas they creamed their jeans over Dreamgirls (technically 2006), a musical composed largely of unlistenable songs.

Zodiac astonished in its willingness to take its time and tell a story. Even the presence of pretty boy Jake Gyllenhaal did not detract from this masterful film that was released too early in the year to receive any nominations.

No Country for Old Men didn't make any sense, but it was beautiful to look at and enthralling from beginning to end. Alan Smithee would have excised Woody Harrelson and made it a slightly better film, but no one asked.

The Simpson's Movie. Critics said it was just like a long episode of the TV show. Perfect.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets wanted nothing more than to give you your money's worth. You weren't likely to have any serious thoughts during this movie but, like Raiders of the Lost Ark(1981), you were entertained in a quite silly way. The critics largely made fun of it, because they are so very very sophisticated.

Across the Universe was also thoroughly entertaining from beginning to end. Some confusedly thought it was attempting to realistically portray the 1960's, and so they refused to enjoy themselves. And in a surprise move, Bono demonstrated that he could be entertaining.

Eastern Promises boasted the best performance by an actor last year, Viggo Mortensen playing whomever he played. Go see.

(And in case you're counting, Zodiac: 0 Oscar nominations, Norbit: 1 nomination)

6 comments:

Kurt said...

You forgot Knocked Up, Michael Clayton, Gone Baby Gone, and Grindhouse (the parts that Tarantino didn't do).

Alan Smithee said...

Coincidentally, those are the other films on my list. I just didn't have time to write about them.

d. chedwick bryant said...

anytime you edit out harrelson, you enhance the film.

VE said...

Good reviews but what happened to the Daniel Day Lewis film. I have nothing bad to say about his acting career...he's a dominant force in method acting.

phd girl said...

I have trouble enjoying films where people burst into song and dance around. I prefer films with a big story and some action. (based on true story films like Donnie Brasco, Goodfellas, and American Gangster are faves)

so I would be a lousy film critic, because I couldn't judge musicals fairly.

Daniel Day Lewis is always fascinating--just watching him in "The Age of Innocence" is totally amazing as he carries the film and I could watch him over and over again in that. He makes that film a masterpiece. Without him it would be blah--with him it hypnotizes me.

Why Twisted Sister? said...

Good reviews! Sorry I haven't been around....my dad was very sick from October to Feb. 13th. He then passed.